Before I write anymore, let me say that I am I so blessed. I have lived most of my life as an outsider–a consummate loner. I think most people on a spiritual path are “alone”–there are moments where solitude is so much more appreciated than the noise of a crowd. But, while I am always alone–I am never ALONE…I am so blessed to have so many amazing, beautiful and talented people in my life, who not only care for me, but help me to attain my dreams.
Two weeks ago, ANIMUS: A SHAMANIC JOURNEY THROUGH DANCE AND THEATRE, of which, I am the Artistic and Creative Director of, had its second show. It was singly the most magickal moment of my life. Last years show had magick–and this year even more so. ANIMUS came to me in a dream in 2009…and was finally birthed in 2011. Its a deeply personal show for me, taking place in a mystical neolithic world, where the worlds of spirits and men are intertwined. To a magickal world where humans and animals are intrinsically connected. Humans take on attributes of animals…whether we like to admit it or not. We are all animals. ANIMUS goes deeper into that–to the spiritual primal roots.
I am blessed to have such an amazing cast and crew–who embraces the concept and executes it flawlessly. ANIMUS has helped me dive deeper into my spirituality–my own primal nature….And the show does the same for the cast and crew. Everyone involved in the show brings something of their own story line to it. Its what adds to the magick moments. The performers pick their own ANIMUS…and often times for their own specific reason. Sometimes its because they feel drawn to a specific animal–their totem. Sometimes they feel that the animals attributes are akin to their own feelings and emotions at the time. Its what makes the show so powerful for everyone.
ANIMUS has allowed me to rediscover lost bits of myself. Living with anxiety is hard–ANIMUS helps me to reel it in. I thoroughly enjoyed the creative process this year. And I am looking forward to 2013!
With all that said, I did have a brief moment of utter fear. With ANIMUS, unlike any other show I have produced, I am giving people a glimpse into my heart and soul. And that is always intimidating. When you care so deeply for something that you are willing to share it with others–you feel so vulnerable. I did. I still do. ANIMUS has aspects of myself which I am sharing with complete strangers. As a child I struggled with rejection from peers. I was called a “freak”-a term I love and embrace now. I was an imaginative child but I never quite fit in with others. I have grown much since then. Found my footing and my cliques (for one “freak” there are thousands–and they are all my kin in spirit!). But now, I am no longer on the outside looking in. I am on the outside sharing all my aspirations in a theatre to the people on the inside looking out….
My only hope is that ANIMUS continues to allow me to spread my wings and flourish. To continue to find my voice and to give me the strength to be able to share bits of my soul with others. I think its possible with such amazing people a part of it!