In The Garden of Trust and Change

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” —Anatole France

I was originally going to dedicate this post entirely to the aspect of trust, but with recent events my life, its become a post of change and the trust that follows.

Change is inevitable. We all change. We grow older. We end relationships. We begin relationships. We get jobs. We lose jobs. Somewhere in the world a baby is being born while another person is dying. A marriage is occurring while someone else is in the throws of a divorce. We all change. Change is about transformation. Its about progressing from losses and the gains. It can be spiritual progress, emotional progress, financial progress. Whatever is occurring in your life at this moment, whatever you are feeling or thinking or doing–is sending a ripple of change out into the Universe. All this preparing you for the next step on your life’s journey.

We are always evolving. People fear change. They fear it in themselves, and even more so when they see change occur in someone else’s life. For the simple reason that deep inside, they fear that the other persons change could happen to them. A seemingly happy couple gets a divorce. Someone who once had it all, loses it. Someone alive and beaming with life is suddenly gone. What happens when these changes occur in someone else’s life? The people who fear change the most feel this insatiable need to judge that person. Project their own fears of change onto the other person. It becomes their way of rationalizing how someone’s life could change so quickly.

Change happens.


And with change comes the ends and the beginnings. Within both a level of trust is either given or taken. Trust is something earned, not something given. We all have insecurities. Trust is a difficult thing for most people, myself included. It takes a lot to trust someone completely. My friendships and relationships become something very deep for me. So its hard, when change happens, and the people you trusted decide its better to judge you than stand by you. We are not responsible for other peoples choices. Nor are we responsible for changes that occur in someone else’s life. Its at the end and beginning of all things, that we learn who will stand beside us when the walls are caving in-or if they are only their when they are going up. Sometimes, its the people we trust the most who walk away and judge. And that is painful. Its hard for others sometimes, to understand what choices we had to make in order to make a change. Its even harder to understand why someone would turn their back on you when you trusted them.

I have this little saying, “weeding the garden.” Its a phrase I use whenever I need to remove something or someone from my life. Its not a bad saying. It simply means that I need to take the old and replace them with the new. Pull the weeds and plant flowers. Sometimes weeding the garden also means re-potting the plants. The people we think are the closest to us are the farthest away. Or the people we hardly know are the ones we  should trust the most. You have to move them either closer to the sun, or more in the shade. You never know how your garden will grow. With all gardens, the trust of the sun and the nurturing of the rain always remains. Despite change, there is always the constant. 

For me my constant has always been my deep rooted spirituality. The belief, that with all the changes occurring in my life, there is in fact, a purpose. Sometimes I cant understand that purpose. Sometimes trust is broken, relationships end and I am left holding the broken pieces. But in my heart, despite everything, is the truth that the Universe is doing what must be done in order for me to evolve. And within that truth, is the recognition that regardless of how people look at me, my choices, my change, their feelings towards me is a reflection of their own fears and judgments. I accept the truth that people are meant to come and go. Things are meant to happen when they are supposed to happen. Its a constant. I trust the Universe and the change that must be occur.

Trust in change, because whether you trust in it or not, its going to happen.

 “Nothing ever goes away, until it has taught us what we need to know,” ~Pema Chodron

Know Thyself, Love Thyself

We are always cutting ourselves short. Its human nature to feel insecure about something. Even if we are the most self confident person in the world-there is always something that makes us feel insecure. Body image, finances, friendships, relationships. There is always one or two things in our lives that we are not confident about. Sometimes we can be amazing at something but don’t perceive it the way others do. Sometimes people will tell you how beautiful you are, but its not what you see in the mirror. Our insecurity is based on our inability to realize our strengths. We think we need to be with someone because we are afraid of being alone. We think we need to cover our faces with make up to hide our flaws. We become chameleons in situations because a part of us is afraid of being ourselves-being judged.


The truth is, if you don’t know yourself and you don’t love yourself, you will always feel like you are not adequate enough. I am not talking about being conceited-even those we think are snobby are hiding an insecurity. I am talking about realizing your strengths even when you think you have none.

We spend to much time focusing on what we think our weaknesses are that we don’t focus on our strengths. Close relationships leave us vulnerable. We open our hearts and our souls to someone who we feel will accept us no matter what. Unconditional love. We believe that they will always be with us. However, when we thought what we had was solid seems to crumble, it opens the door to insecurity. When you look in the mirror you look at your flaws instead of your beauty, the door swings wide open. You think you are not good enough.

This is where, in the darkness, you need to discover your self

Know thyself. Love thyself.

Have relationships, go out, enjoy life. Learn to live and let go. Spoil yourself. Pamper yourself. Love yourself. You will discover that you are limitless, there is nothing you can’t do. There is nothing that is unattainable.

When all else fails-you will always have yourself-and your strength.

Whatever Souls Are Made Of……

“Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” ~ Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights

I hesitated to write this. Truth is, most people will not understand it. People will judge me based on my current situation. Those who know me will know what is truth-and those who will judge me will not matter. But I needed to write it because the truth is, I am in love. That’s not what people wouldn’t understand. Most people understand the concept of love. Most people have experienced and been in love. The love I am experiencing is unlike any other love. Its tested me. Its pushed me. Its pulled me. Its timeless. Its ageless. Its destiny. Its limitless. Its unconditional. 


I believe in the existence of “soul mates,” or “soul companions.” These are the ones who we must reincarnate with for karmic purposes; or simply because they are meant to be in our lives for a certain reason~to teach us something about ourselves. In most cases, I believe, soul mates and soul companions can be anyone–friend, family member, acquaintances. People who we feel a connection with because we have lived lifetimes with them before. Sometimes these people stay in our lives and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they are meant to be with us until we have learned all that we can from them and then the relationship ends. It doesn’t necessarily mean that we don’t love them. And it doesn’t mean that we cant be with them on a romantic level. 


“What was sundered and undone shall become whole… the two made one.” ~ The Dark Crystal

My love isn’t soul companion/soul mate love. Its Twin Flame love. One soul that was split into two halves. Both each of the other. The uniting of the Twin Flames is completely destined-and for a higher spiritual purpose. To heal each other and fulfill the cosmic will of The Universe. It is not something most people will ever experience. Its also something that most people would not understand. If you are ever fortunate enough to incarnate with your Twin Flame, be prepared for a completely soul altering experience. You will feel this heart aching need to be with and have this person in your life.  When I say “need” – its not a lustful desire-its a heart-wrenching-soul-driven need. You will feel your soul being pulled, consistently, without any rational explanation. Romantically or not.  And no matter how much you try to stay away-you cant. You will always go back. You have to. You need to. You will “see” one another. See into one another’s soul. A recognition that you have never experienced in all your life.

You will, without question, love this person unconditionally. You will love them without limitations. No matter an argument, decision, or belief-no matter how much you try to walk away or they try to push you away–the amount of love that remains does not falter.  It will not go away. There is a bond that will occur that you can not explain. You will feel like you are finally home. 


When you meet, it will be when you are not consciously expecting it. And The Universe will stop at nothing to make sure you are united. The Universe will have all of the pieces fall together- at the right moment – and will do whatever it takes. Sometimes this means that you personally have to struggle and become vulnerable-losing what you once believed was your truth. It wont make sense to you. At some point you will realize that your past soul mate relationships were preparing you to meet your Twin Flame. You will feel helpless and vulnerable–and yet strong and unwavering. You will discover yourself in the other. 


And when you finally are united with this person, you will feel like you can take on the world together. That there is an unstoppable power emanating from you both when you are together.  You become the living embodiment of yin and yang.

This is what people will not understand. 

This “strange love” needs no explanation.

It just is. It just exists.


 The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along. 




I don’t believe that “New Years” is on January 1st. Our New Year is celebrated on the day we were born–our birthday. Our birthdays are when we can celebrate new beginnings-make resolutions and decide what we want to bring in to our lives and what we want to take out. Its the time when we celebrate our soul returning to Earth to start a new journey and learn new lessons. In essence–every year is a rebirthday. 



The idea of rebirth is being able to start a new–and doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to die in order to be reborn. You can have a rebirth any time in life. In fact, you can have a rebirth right now. I chose to have my rebirth every year on my birthday. And I always do a personal ritual on my birthday. I write my list of resolutions, light a white candle (for renewal), think upon the lessons learned in the previous year, what I want to learn in the next, and read my cards from the “Book of Doors,”–the only time of year when I use that divination deck! Of course I also thank The Universe and Deities for the gifts–good and bad- they have given me over the previous year. ThenI start fresh. I liken very much my birthday to a snake shedding its skin. I spiritually, emotionally and mentally let go of whatever is I need–and move forward. A new ending with a new beginning. 



My rebirth day is today, November 1st. Ironically, its the day after Celtic New Year (Samhain/Halloween) and often “All Saints Day” or “Dios de la Muertas.” I always have found it ironic that my birthday is so closely associated with my religious/spiritual beliefs-and I never found it to be a coincidence that I am an empath who is very sensitive to energy shifts and can see spirit. I think it was meant to be–my destiny to be born on this day. 

So today I celebrate my rebirthing. A new journey begins.