“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” —Anatole France
I was originally going to dedicate this post entirely to the aspect of trust, but with recent events my life, its become a post of change and the trust that follows.
Change is inevitable. We all change. We grow older. We end relationships. We begin relationships. We get jobs. We lose jobs. Somewhere in the world a baby is being born while another person is dying. A marriage is occurring while someone else is in the throws of a divorce. We all change. Change is about transformation. Its about progressing from losses and the gains. It can be spiritual progress, emotional progress, financial progress. Whatever is occurring in your life at this moment, whatever you are feeling or thinking or doing–is sending a ripple of change out into the Universe. All this preparing you for the next step on your life’s journey.
We are always evolving. People fear change. They fear it in themselves, and even more so when they see change occur in someone else’s life. For the simple reason that deep inside, they fear that the other persons change could happen to them. A seemingly happy couple gets a divorce. Someone who once had it all, loses it. Someone alive and beaming with life is suddenly gone. What happens when these changes occur in someone else’s life? The people who fear change the most feel this insatiable need to judge that person. Project their own fears of change onto the other person. It becomes their way of rationalizing how someone’s life could change so quickly.
And with change comes the ends and the beginnings. Within both a level of trust is either given or taken. Trust is something earned, not something given. We all have insecurities. Trust is a difficult thing for most people, myself included. It takes a lot to trust someone completely. My friendships and relationships become something very deep for me. So its hard, when change happens, and the people you trusted decide its better to judge you than stand by you. We are not responsible for other peoples choices. Nor are we responsible for changes that occur in someone else’s life. Its at the end and beginning of all things, that we learn who will stand beside us when the walls are caving in-or if they are only their when they are going up. Sometimes, its the people we trust the most who walk away and judge. And that is painful. Its hard for others sometimes, to understand what choices we had to make in order to make a change. Its even harder to understand why someone would turn their back on you when you trusted them.
I have this little saying, “weeding the garden.” Its a phrase I use whenever I need to remove something or someone from my life. Its not a bad saying. It simply means that I need to take the old and replace them with the new. Pull the weeds and plant flowers. Sometimes weeding the garden also means re-potting the plants. The people we think are the closest to us are the farthest away. Or the people we hardly know are the ones we should trust the most. You have to move them either closer to the sun, or more in the shade. You never know how your garden will grow. With all gardens, the trust of the sun and the nurturing of the rain always remains. Despite change, there is always the constant.
For me my constant has always been my deep rooted spirituality. The belief, that with all the changes occurring in my life, there is in fact, a purpose. Sometimes I cant understand that purpose. Sometimes trust is broken, relationships end and I am left holding the broken pieces. But in my heart, despite everything, is the truth that the Universe is doing what must be done in order for me to evolve. And within that truth, is the recognition that regardless of how people look at me, my choices, my change, their feelings towards me is a reflection of their own fears and judgments. I accept the truth that people are meant to come and go. Things are meant to happen when they are supposed to happen. Its a constant. I trust the Universe and the change that must be occur.
Trust in change, because whether you trust in it or not, its going to happen.
“Nothing ever goes away, until it has taught us what we need to know,” ~Pema Chodron