The Universal Ball of Yarn

I came home from a quick run to the pet store to find my grandmother sitting at the kitchen table crying. I asked her what was wrong.

“I bought a whole bag of yarn and now I cant find it.”

She loves to crochet-especially in the winter. So yarn is in plenty at our house. She had literally tore apart the entire house looking for the bag of yarn. 

“I cant find it,” she said, her head in hands. She is 86 years old and when stuff like this happens, its makes her feel like she is senile. I just told her, “stop looking and you will find it.”

“You think so?”

“I know so,” I said as I made my way up to my apartment.

I love when I get to dispense some wisdom on my grandmother, who often is the one dispensing wisdom to me.


We spend so much of our lives looking for things. We forget that the cycle is happening in which those things we seek are already manifesting.

Its when you stop looking when The Universe gives you what you were looking for. And sometimes what you are looking for is right underneath your nose. 

We become blinded by the idea that we have to “look” and “want” something so badly that if we don’t find it, we feel desperate and at a loss. We become anxious, we become lost. We are trying so hard to find what we are looking for, that we become to blind to what is manifesting right before our eyes. Even when it seems that we are stuck in a cloud of doubt, The Universe is behind the scenes creating exactly what you need to evolve.

Humans are control freaks. We have hard time letting go. By this, I don’t mean being irresponsible. Yes The Universe is a magickal thing, but you cant just sit on the couch just expecting The Universe will handle everything. Of course you need to be responsible. But I am talking about accepting that which you can not control, and surrendering entirely to The Universe. Its in that moment that that what you are seeking will manifest. 

That fabulous saying, “it happens when you least expect it,” well its true. 

The best things in life happen when you are not looking for it.

As for the yarn….

My grandmother found the bag a few minutes after she said, “I give up,” and stopped looking. 

Resentment Contentment

It’s hard to acknowledge and recognize the parts of ourselves that we don’t like. I am not talking about physically. I am talking strictly about our personal and emotional selves. Unfortunately, the part of being a spiritual warrior is seeing those parts of ourselves we don’t like.

Our life paths are usually created by family expectations, social expectations, trying to prove someone wrong or doing what we think we are “supposed to do.” All of this creating a life path that is dictated solely on the conjecture of “someone else’s” existence. This in turn, makes us do things we wouldn’t normally do-making bad decisions or being afraid of letting someone down. Until we recognize that our lives are intrinsically webbed together with the world around us, only then can we divert our life paths and create what is uniquely our own.


We are all connected-plant, human, animal, rocks, trees you name it to what I call the “cosmic web.” No matter what we think-our thoughts, energy and feelings do affect the world around us. They do create holes and gaps in the cosmic web. If we do not work on ourselves – then we send a ripple throughout the web, causing parts of it to just break away.

Sadly, people often are afraid to reflect and accept the dark pieces or the destructive negative energy that lies within them–even when they think they are happy-or others do for that matter. Or they refuse to acknowledge that they are living someone else’s life-leaving them feeling over ridden with guilt if they venture off, say no or do what they need to. What this causes is resentment. Its easier to blame someone else rather than looking within.

Looking at yourself in the mirror and being honest to yourself is not easy. Its easier to push off your feelings and issues onto another person–and then resent them. Naturally of course, over time, this will only create hard feelings and grudges and with a cycle of unfavorable and unacknowledged self-reflection – the resentment will only continue further into our life path.

You get resentment contentment. You become the victim and your anger, hurt and pain are all connected to somebody or something else. The excuse train pulls in and you have a million reasons why you do the things you do, why you feel the way you feel. You are happier because it seems that everyone else is wrong or unhappy.


Who wants to ever admit that they might be bossy? Not a good listener? Difficult? Living under your parents thumb? I am not saying we should all start telling people what we think of them. However, if you have meaningful relationships with people, who tell you the same things over and over or if you find yourself never finding real happiness then its time to look at yourself truthfully. Painful as it is.

And its hard. Very hard. I have had to pull back and look in the mirror. And it’s not easy. Its created a lot of tears. But part of spiritual evolution and getting those scars to become a spiritual warrior you need to reflect on yourself and try to change those things that are negative about you. We are not perfect. We never will be. But we can always work on who we are and what it is we want to become.

And no one wants to be content with resent.

Gnothi Seauton

Gnothi Seauton– “know thyself”

It sounds simple enough, but truthfully, that statement is the hardest for people to understand. Do we ever know ourselves? I think not. We may think we know – but we never do. We are ever evolving and changing. Its impossible to understand who we are really.

One thing I know for certain, is understanding who you are becoming. There is always a process. Compare who you were several years ago. Are you the same person? Same values? Beliefs? What has changed? Look at who you are today. 

I recently worked on a painting that was inspired by my dear serpentine dance partner Kaala. Her and I had a very special relationship and when she passed away in December she took a bit of me with her. With all that happened in 2013-her death was a convergence of The Universe and my spirit. It was at this time- and that moment of her passing – that I finally broke down and reflected on all that had transpired–and everything I had become — everything that had brought me to that one specific moment in time when I realized I was no longer the same person I was. 


I was broken completely at that moment when Kaala passed. While 2013 was a wave of change for me, both good and bad- who I was becoming-who I was- was not the person I wanted to be. Despite my own feelings of knowing myself, in the end I hardly recognized myself at all. I think this a natural transformation of the soul. We are not the same as we were when we were children. When our lives were shaped by the ideas, values and beliefs of our parents. We are different from when we were teenagers-our rebellious spirits beginning to create our own system of beliefs. To “know thyself” is an impossible statement. Even at the end of all things–do we ever know ourselves–truly?? I don’t think we are meant to. I believe that our souls are intended to live partly in the shadows. We get scars on our spirits so we can morph and learn. Essentially we are transforming always. What you think you may know- in fact you know nothing at all.