The Measuring Cup

Things are things. We cant take them with us when we leave. Yet, people put so much emphasizes on things. Material items have become what defines us. Big house, nice car, great job. The more we have the better we look. The more we have the better society thinks of us.

The most horrible bit is that items become what defines relationships. 

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And the issue with that, is that when its time to let go, we cant. We use items as a form of attachment to someone or something. We find solace in petty things because its easier to hold on to something tangible than deal with the fact that the relationship is over. If you can covet something as meaningless as a measuring cup, because its the only link you have left between you and your past relationship, then you are in denial. In denial that the relationship really truly is over. Its a last remnant of something that was once so beautiful that ended badly. The measuring cup is a reflection of your inability to let go. 

People hide behind things because its easier than facing reality. Life is hard. Sometimes things happen that we could not anticipate. But you cant reach up to the clouds if you are letting yesterdays junk hold you down. Holding on is harder than letting go. Why hang onto items that once were?

It will not change things. Its just a measuring cup.

 

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Volcanoes and Flowering Trees

Emotions are either good or bad. They either make you elated to be alive, or wish you were living in a cave away from any human contact. They can make you love, they can make you cry. Every aspect of our living consists of having multiple emotions at one single time. 

But anger can be the most damaging. It is the most dangerous of emotions. When you are angry, it can settle into your soul. Sometimes so deeply that it consumes you like hot lava engulfing a forest of trees. It eats away at you. 

We are human, we cant help but to feel anger at some point in our lives. Its normal. Even for those on the spiritual path, anger will occur. But its not the anger itself that is dangerous. It is our reactions and choices when presented with anger that are poisonous.

Its natural to want to lash out. To have a knee jerk reaction. To tell someone how you really feel.  Sometimes anger is so consuming people do bad things. Regrettable things. 

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In truth, however, despite how angry you are at a situation or with someone, as difficult as it maybe…..turning the other cheek is the best thing to do. I used to think that was submissive. That I needed to lash out when I was angry with someone. Anger would take seat in my solar plexus and I needed to scream and yell at whomever caused me to feel that anger. Then I realized, its not submissive. Its not about “winning” or letting the other person get away with something that you know is wrong. 

Its about accepting, that you can change that person. You can scream and yell all you want, but more than likely it will not change the situation or the person involved. You cant change people. You can only change yourself. Turning the other cheek doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you. But its about accepting that that person is making choices that will consciously or subconsciously change the course of their journey.

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Whenever I am angry, I think about what is making me angry. What about the situation is making me angry? Its usually because I didn’t get to say what I wanted. Not that I couldn’t, just that I realized that it was pointless. It wont change anything. When I am angry, I do two things. I dance. I dance until my body has sweated out any negative feelings. Anger is a toxin. I dance until my body, mind and spirit are one again. I stomp my feet and send that anger energy into Mother Earth an let Her do something positive with it. Sometimes I will have crystals on the floor and I will dance and “push” all that energy into them. Allowing them to take the anger and turn it into something positive.

And, I write. I write a letter to the persons or the situation as if I would be speaking to them face to face. Then,I read the letter out loud and burn it. Its done. Watching something bust into flames, consuming my anger. Then, its done. Whenever I feel that surge of anger come up, I tell myself that it is gone. That I surrendered to The Universe. Then the anger goes away.

Its the nature of things. Have things burn so the soil can be rich and new life and trees can grow. 

The Hollow Human

Its the Flower Moon tonight and also one of the strongest full moons of the year. I have been blessed to run an amazing ecstatic dance class called Primal. Tonight’s class was made special with the full moon and the awareness that tonight we shed our skin. We let go of what is no longer useful to us. We accept change. I received a message during the trance state:

“We are not responsible for someone else’s journey.”

There are two kinds of people on Earth. Those who walk their own journey and those who have someone else walk it for them. Life is not easy. We will meet people and have new experiences. Things will come and things will go. The journey we take is our own. When we allow others to take our journey for us, we become hollow. Empty and unable to think for ourselves. Unable to make our own choices. Unable to walk without assistance. Always hand holding. All that prevents us from finding our true potential. 

Allowing someone to walk your path and travel down your road for you prevents you from reaching for the stars, which are yours to touch. Our journey is our own. We hand hold when we are children, rebel when we are teenagers and make our choices as adults. But, in the end, its our road to walk. Its our own tale to tell, not someone else’s. Society, parents, friends are not the ones who should be traveling the path that The Universe has created for you. 

Its your own story.

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We are also not responsible for someone else’s journey. Though we may feel for the person, though we may hope that they will open their eyes someday, or wish they would let go of what and who are holding them back—we are not responsible nor should we feel guilty if they are allowing it to happen. Its not our path to take. We can wish them the best and hold them in the highest level of healing, but then we have to let go eventually and continue down our own road.

So go outside tonight and look at the moon and thank The Universe for setting your feet on the path that was meant for you and you alone.

Close Your Eyes and Listen

There are moments in our lives when we have to accept that we made mistakes. That a choice or choices we made were not the ones we should have, and sadly, it was a choice we knew all along was wrong to begin with. There will come a time in our lives when we do not listen to our intuition and just do what we feel we “need” to do. 

I have always listened to my instincts. My intuition runs deep and strong and it has always guided me to make the best choices I need to on my journey. Sometimes the choices are hard, but nothing is ever easy. I have always listened to my heart — except once — and I hurt a lot of people – including myself. If I had only listened to begin with–none of it would have happened.

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Yesterday was my court date for my divorce. Its over now. Things ended badly because we had grown apart. We both made mistakes. Divorce is never a one sided issue. It takes two to tango and its the same for the end of a relationship. There is a reason why someone isn’t happy and there is a reason why someone wants to leave. Truthfully, however, I knew in the beginning my marriage wouldn’t last. It wasn’t that I didn’t love my ex. I did. But to get married–I shouldn’t have done it. My “reasoning” for getting married was because I felt I had to. I was 29 years old. All my friends were married. All my friends were having children. I felt left behind. I also felt some insatiable need to prove to everyone that I could be a “wife” — that me, the most nontraditional, free spirited person, could settle down and be normal. I felt that I needed “stability” – which in itself is a false word. Nothing is ever stable. Things are always changing.

Throughout the entire wedding planning process, my gut and heart kept telling me it was wrong. So much so that I became so that I was having anxiety attacks every day, sometimes to the point where I would pass out or vomit. My intuition was telling me to stop while my head kept telling me to keep going. I didn’t want to be alone. I needed to have someone. I needed to have a husband. It got to one a point that it was so bad that I had almost called off the entire thing, which, would have left me between a rock and a hard place. I would have lost someone I loved and also proved (at the time in my head) that I couldn’t be “normal” — I couldn’t be like all my friends — I couldn’t be married and happy and have a house and babies running around. So I did it. I got married.

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I hated my wedding. The whole time I felt like I was living in someone else’s body. My intuition, my soul, it left me when I stopped listening. I got married and I shouldn’t have. I tried hard to be the wife — but I was also married to someone who wanted to the title of husband, but not the responsibility that goes with it. In turn, because I sent that energy out to the Universe – because I didn’t listen to myself to begin with — he picked up that energy. And then, over and over again, I was never made a priority. I became second or at times even third in his life. Eventually my soul was so tired of lying to itself. I had become a shell of who I was and was not becoming the person I was meant to be. And neither was he for that matter. And thus the end. 

I hurt a lot of people because I didn’t listen to myself. All of this could have been avoided if I had just closed my eyes and listened. Followed by heart to do the right thing. Unfortunately I didn’t. I cared about my ex – but I shouldn’t have said “yes” and I shouldn’t have walked down the aisle. 

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In the end, I learned a major lesson. Always, always, always trust your gut. Listen to what it says. Don’t do things or feel you need something because someone else has it. What you have you are meant to have at this moment because its what The Universe wants. Do not force something that isn’t meant to be.

Sometimes we want our lives to be a certain way– to be the way that we WANT it to be. So we make it. Like taking clay to mold- we think we can just make our lives so it will be a duplicate of someone else’s. We also think its because its what we are supposed to do in someone else’s eyes.

Always listen to your intuition, even if the ultimate decision will be painful, its better than pretending everything will be ok. If your heart is telling you you need to let go of something or someone, you need to do it. Even if in the end you know it will hurt and be painful. 

 

Why You Need to Hug Yourself More

Its hard to love yourself sometimes. If anything, we are mostly hard on ourselves. We let intrusive negative thoughts fill our heads about ourselves. We offer advice, but never take our own. We question our own abilities. Its natural. We are human.

But we are also amazing. We all are unique and different. Loving yourself, having a relationship with yourself, is the hardest relationship you will ever have.

Its taken me years to learn to love myself. To learn to love who I am, what I am. Who I will become. I was always an outsider, and life wasn’t always easy. Emotionally and mentally I struggled with issues of self esteem, depression, anxiety and the complete lack of knowing who I was. I am still learning…but I have a better grasp of the woman I am today. I learned that sometimes you need to humble yourself. Accept your mistakes. Learn from them. Apologize when you need to. But most of all…you need to learn that you are stronger than you actually think.

We doubt how strong we are, especially when The Universe throws us something that seems to overwhelming to handle. It strange, when we feel like there is no way we are going to make it through, and then suddenly, we are standing there, free.

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Admiring your own self worth and strength and your ability to be resilient is what makes you who you are. And loving yourself is what will make loving others easy. When you can huge yourself, then you can hug another.

Look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself all those things you would tell someone who care about. Tell your reflection how you admire them, love them, think they are amazing. Tell yourself that until that reflection in the mirror, is no longer a reflection–but your inner soul admiring you back.

Loving yourself is hard…..but you are fabulous.

The Illumination of The Universal Heart


Its Beltaine today. The Wheel continues to turn and we begin to reap what we have sown. Sometimes, the seeds that we planted no longer blossom or just refuse to bloom. Sometimes, the seeds that we planted shoot up to the sky and embrace the light and warmth of the beautiful star shining above us. 

In the end, regardless of whether our seeds bloom or not, we do, eventually, reap what we have sown. We must be humble ourselves and accept the choices we have made. In the end, they are our choices. The Universe may have plans for us. The Universe always lays before us its desire for us. It already has our destination mapped out. The Universe wants us to have balance and happiness. However, our choices and free will ultimately lead us to the road of the journey we must take. The Universe has the map, we just have to figure out which route to take.

 

There is an awakening that will ultimately occur in our lives, when we realize that everything and everyone is connected. Despite how big the world may seem, in the end its small. We are a small planet in a big expanse of Space. Everything is in balance. The Universe keeps everything together. The Earth rotates. The moon keeps us in alignment. The Sun illuminates our sky and sustains life. Our galaxy is connected to everything and everyone. 

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Regardless of how things turn out–there is always a reason for what is occurring in your life at this moment. The people, the events, the journey. It’s all occurring for a purpose. Even if that purpose is to teach us strength, or how to find the light in the darkness. Everything and everyone is connected. The people in your life may come and go–but they entered your life for a reason. The happiness and tragedy that encompasses life is always part of the plan. There is no such thing as “failure” ~ only lessons to be learned. Only new roads being laid before us. 

Its an understanding and awakening to that single idea of The Universal Heart. We all are ONE. We all beat as ONE in the grandiose scheme of The Universe. It doesn’t matter if your rich or poor, white or black, happy or sad. We are all from its stars. And as the Sun continues to shine, and our Earth continues to move, we learn that eventually, we do really reap what we have sown.